Goodbye Lucy

This morning my our Lucy went to doggie heaven. We knew she was not quite herself today, but her sickness progressed very rapidly. Even a matter of hours would not have helped. I returned home tonight from raising money for the American Cancer Society to find Lucy in her kennel with very shallow breathing. From what we know, she was hemorrhaging internally and we lost her before we knew too much was wrong.

About a week ago I made a post on my personal blog that came across as "hard hearted" in the view of some of my readers. My thought was whatever grief we have to deal with is something God knows about because everything is supposed to be according to His plan. In the case last week, I commented that He will comfort those who need comforting according to His desire and plan, so praying for comfort for someone else was pointless.

Here I am, just 10 days later seeking comfort for myself and for my beloved wife for she loved Lucy as much as any human mother can love her baby.

My heart is heavy because I loved Lucy too, even if there were times I might not have shown it.

My heart is heavy because I had to deal with the physical elements of Lucy's death and the emotion of dealing with the emergency vets who seem extremely cold in dealing with people experiencing emotional trauma and perfectly content to charge these grieving parents exorbitant charges with payment on demand.

My heart is heavy for Amy, for the pain she is feeling and for the guilt and blame she is assigning herself.

My heart is heavy because it was just a week ago that we finally took Lucy for a walk in the National park near our house and we received SO many compliments on how cute and sweet she was.

In my heart I don't know that we will ever own a dog again. Lucy was my first, and I don't know how I feel about trying again. We need some time to heal and to grieve, and I am sorry for the words I wrote last week.

Your prayers for comfort for Amy and me are desired and appreciated.

lyrics revisited

Wes King is one of my favorite Christian songwriters. I have grown up with his lyrics and perhaps some of you have as well. I posted these lyrics when we started our blog but for some reason the song is in my head again.

I know some of you are feeling or have felt this way before. Sometimes we just really miss LynnMarie and we can not wait to make her smile and hear her laugh and just enjoy her in her life. I can not imagine! Well, yes I can. I think bdAy parties and staying up late waiting for Santa, and going to church and her first prayers and meeting her cousins and our first Disney cruise and going to First Friday and her first day of school and playing the piano. Ok, I obviously have no problem dreaming and wishing.HeeHee!Until then, we will pray for her!

Once again over 10 years ago I heard this song and I cried. I prayed and hoped this would not be my song. Little did I know how these words would capture my heart and it would indeed become my song. I am thankful for songwriters and music who seem to put my thoughts on paper!

Thought You'd Be here by Now by Wes King (CD Room full of stories)

Lyrics:
We thought you'd be here by now
Your mother and I
We're praying through our tears that somehow
We might hear your sweet cry
Have we waited too long
It's getting harder to be strong
Is there something we've done wrong


But if you like dancing
I'll make it rain rhythm, and rhyme, and melodies, child
And if you like dreaming
Your mother will make your imagination run wild
Somehow, we thought you'd be here by now


We have a room just for you upstairs. It's right down the hall
So we'll be close should you ever get scared
We'll come when you call
It's a room full of stories
Waiting to be told
Longing to behold


And if you like laughing
I'll paint you a circus of smiles and ferris wheels, dear
And if you like living
Your mother will fly you to worlds both far and near


Somehow...


I never knew the silence could make me so deaf
I never knew that I could miss someone I've never met
Miss someone I haven't met yet


We'll be waiting

monday meditations

No picture is needed this week. Join me in prayer this week for the Chapman family, a family I have never met but will forever have touched our lives along with sooo many others.

I am not kidding when I say adoption has helped my heart grow. I love in ways I have never loved before. I can not get this family out of my mind and as I type this words, tears fall. So many tears. I could not sleep last night as this family stayed in my mind. I really can not believe how much this family is in my mind, all of them. I do not know why this is so heavy on my mind, physically and mentally.

God is good. Joy will come from sorrow. I am sure of this. Our God is faithful and true.

I pray for each member of the family. I pray for those who are ministering to them. I pray that peace is poured upon them this week.

I almost feel guilty posting about the Chapman family. Simply because I do not know them. But i do know they could use some prayer.

Pray friends. Some of you have never heard of this family. That is okay. Some of you read this just to get an update on the Christopher's. Do me a favor. Close your eyes. Talk to God. Do not be afraid to just share your heart. This is real. Pray for the Chapman family. God knows what they need, even if you do not. Some of you do not pray. If you do, please please ask for God to comfort the Chapman's. This is not just a Monday meditation, they will need prayer for a very long time.

I am having a hard time writing this. I am constantly thinking about each member of this family. If I shared my thoughts, my tears would cover the keyboard.

I truly feel like I am grieving for a family member. I have no clue why, but I am glad we have the ability to communicate with our creator.

13 months down which means

13 months down which means another book and this month Amy chose the book. If you read the book, this is an Amy book. It just says childhood all over and I love the pics. Apparently there are a few in this series. I can only imagine reading this to LynnMarie one day. It made me cry but then again what doesn't make me cry?

Great book!

Prayers needed

Christian musician Steven Curtis Chapman's daugther died today after being hit by a car. Please join me in prayer. I know that thousands of people's lives have been touched by this family. This family has a big influence in our decision to adopt from China.

I do not know this family personally, but I can not imagine what it's like to lose a child.

Please lift this family up in prayer.

Monday Meditations

Whats on your heart today? I am praying for my First Friday friends. Its a special family that I have not seen in a long time. This community as seen so many Chinese babies come home, we have some biological babies, domestic adoption and families being created in other countries.

I love my First Friday friends. They motivated us to apply with our agency and helped us get our paperwork in before the May 1 deadline this year. They have welcomed us and they have let me play with their children. This is so much more than an adoption support group, it's a family.

First Friday friends, I pray for all of you today. I know some of you are about to have the family you have been dreaming for. I know some of you are struggling. Some of you are still waiting. Its been awesome watching your families grow. Thanks to Susan and Dan for opening your hearts to this amazing group!

Please also pray for Sheridan. He's having his surgery today and we pray for a speedy recovery with minimal pain...

Most of you have adoption friends where you live. Let's pray for each other today.

I will not forget to pray about China.

LynnMaries future bed

seriously just kidding..this bed is 47,000.oo Thats right I said 47 thousand dollars. But I love the website. www.poshtots.com

Decorating baby rooms

What colors or them did you use to decorate your childs room or what are your plans for those waiting?

China

As someone adopting from China, I feel a bit of connection to this country. I can not imagine thousands of people being buried after an earthquake. I do not want to think of how scared those people were. College students were killed. Parents were killed.This kind of tragedy pulls at my heart and makes me think of my family even more. I can not fathom what these people are thinking or going through. I am sure those of you who are home with your children from China have a totally different perspective. You are thinking of the affected provinces and the orphanages your babies came from.

Rarely do I post something on both of blogs, but this disaster is going to touch everyone around the world. They are going to need help. Lots of help. Dozens of organizations are accepting donations. There are orphanages and other places in China that are going to need help. I hope you will help. I can not imagine that one of the people suffering in China may be the birth mom or other caregiver of LynnMarie one day and that makes my heart sad. The death toll is rising. The survivors are going to need help. There are paypal accounts set up. Even if you only have 5 dollars to help, I know that 5.00 can help. If you are a praying person, pray for this country, pray for those helping and pray that God will show you how you can help.

I know there are countries all of the world who need help. Right now my heart is in China.

Once I have confirmed info on where you can help, I will post it. I will let you know how Michael and I choose to help.

If you have info for people who need help. Please leave a comment.

thoughts

LynnMarie's Library and 100 Good wish Quilt have both been updated today. We continue to wait for LynnMarie and the wait seems to continue to increase. But, my spirits are high. I have become excited about the wait again. Someone in one of my yahoo question wanted to know what we were doing during our wait, as this is a good time to get some things done, learn a new hobby. Quite frankly, I have not really done anything..

Michael and I are both attempting to get in better shape before heading to China. We want LynnMarie to have happy, healthy parents!!!

I want to learn to knit, or crochet and I really want to get her quilt finished. Its certainly going to be full of love!!!!!


Its neat to have friends home with their children, friends who have experienced pregnancy, friends who are waiting along with us and friends who will soon become parents. I have enjoyed learning from all of these friends and I have really enjoyed meeting a lot of our new blog friends all over the country.

So what have you done or what are you doing during the wait?

Monday Meditations

My heart is heavy for those who are pulling their dossiers from China. I know its a hard decision and I know many are sad. Some have pulled their dossiers because of surprise pregnancies, domestic adoptions, other international adoptions or family issues. I pray these families find peace. Many families who were logged in the same month of us have stopped their wait.

I woke up this morning to hear about a massive earthquake in China. I pray for the safety of everyone there Hope you will join me today!

I am thankful that several friends are sooo close to meeting their children whether its through adoption or pregnancy. How exciting for these families!!!!

oh Happy day

I could write a very very long post today as sooo many thoughts are swimming in my head. But I choose to simply say Happy Mothers Day to everyone who reads this that has a mothers heart. Boy, I am learning what that means. I know some of you are about to meet your children for the first time, and I cant wait to celebrate with you. This was supposed to be short but anyway.!!

Have a most fantabulous, awesome, rocking, beautiful day!

Surprise Gifts

Our CCAI April yahoo group did an 1 year LID anniversary gift exchange. This is what I got. A new book and a beautiful sock. Its truly beautiful. Its one of those things I never would have bought myself. Thank you sooo much my friend! You rock

Next gift is from Michaels brother Tim and family. They know our wait is long and still bought a gift. We got lovely ladybug baskets and an awesome blanket. I think its cool they already think of LynnMarie. This really meant a lot.

This came from our friend April who also knows about our wait and still took the time to get us a gift. Another special surprise from our trip! She gave us lady bug stickers and ribbon, a toy, barrettes and an amazing dress. Thanks April.!!

your input needed

I am reading in the blog world and my yahoo groups that the Today show made a comment somwhere that adoptive moms are considered non-moms and actually put them in a special category. A lot of people are very upset about this and I was wondering if anyone has a site or link to this.

Trip pics

trip report and pics

Our vacationThursday morning we woke up and left for Orlando. We took our time and had dinner with Michael's brother Tim and his family. Basil, who is almost 3 is getting ready to have a little brother and it was neat to hear him tell me Bible stories and communicate pretty darn well. Had dinner at Tijuana Flats..YUMMY. We made a surprise visit to one of Michael's friends and spent the night with Michael's mom. Its always nice to visit her.

Friday arrived and we made a stop at Subway before visiting our friend April, and her 2 girls. it was the first time we had met Smiles and she and her older sister Love (older sister) truly entertained me. April, I had so much visiting your girls and spending time with you. Thank you for the sweet sweet gift!After lunch we hit Edgewater to spend the next 7 days with my family. We got to Mom and Dads and the niece and nephews were in the pool. We had dinner at a sports bar and did one more shopping trip. Michael played trivia on the NTN box while we ate and he won 1st place in the round he got to play from start to finish. At this point, I was just too darn excited. Now I hope you are still reading and didn't skip to the boat.

Saturday morning, we woke up and relaxed. We are about an hour from the port and this time I was in no hurry to get there. We packed my Honda and Dad packed his truck and we headed to Port Canaveral. Anticipation was quite high and yes, I teared up when we drove across the bridge and saw the Disney Magic. It is just an awesome site to know that you are going to spend 7 days on this big boat. You would think either I was a kid or had small children. So we get our luggage out and park and walk to the check in. This was sooooo smooth. We saw Mickey and had our picture taken with Goofy. Dad and the gang came in about this time so we grabbed Janie and Seth and got a pic too!!!We waited a short time and walked on the boat having had "the Christopher family" introduced. Michael being the supportive Weight Watcher husband coarsed me into walking the 6 flight of stairs to the lunch buffet. He even suggested seeing how long we could go without using the elevator, which was quite cool of him. But that didn't last long. After a crowded lunch, we hit our room and quickly unpacked.I have to say that the smiles on my niece and nephews were priceless. It was a joy to see this cruise through their eyes. We went to the traditional drill and after that we grabbed Owen for a while. This was very fun. Michael and I and almost 3yo Owen went to the sail-away party and he got so excited to see Mickey and the gang. It was so awesome to see the joy in his eyes. I just can not explain his face.We dropped Owen off with Kelly and got ready for dinner. Dinner was good and we went to the first show of the week. WooHoo! We did a lot of walking around, visited the stores and watched part of Mary Poppins on the big screen outside. Yummy pizza too! In case you are a WW friend, I took the week off and until I have a weigh in, I don't feel guilty at all.

Woke up early the next day I hit the gym. Woohoo. I was proud of myself. This was a day at sea so I spent 35 minutes on the treadmill staring at the ocean. It was too cool. I woke up Michael and we had the character breakfast and went to the morning worship service. I'm so glad Michael mentioned this. It was such a neat experience. The man who lead the service was from the Phillipines and had some broken English but played The Lords Prayer and As the Deer. His heart was beautiful and talked about how when earthly fathers may fail you, your Heavenly Father never will. We then went to the pool. Before the worship service, we had breakfast with several Disney Characters who were sooo much fun with the kids. Owen got so excited and Janie and Seth also had fun.I keep forgetting a lot of stuff. But we had a lot of pool time and buffet time. HeeHee. I think we had a sit down lunch on this day. We got resevations for the adult only restaurant and it was formal night so we had to go get ready. If you ever do this, Palo is just an awesome place and the service is fantastic. We did not make the show this evening, but thats okay as we had seen it before. I forgot what we did but Michael's report may be a it better.

Monday was another day at sea so I got up early and did the treadmill thing and had breakfast with my husband. Movies, food, swimming and sun was today and it was a blast. Dinner with the family and Twice Charmed was the musical for the day. Michael and I spent the most of our pool time in the adult pool. We met sooo many cool people. We had dinner with the family and went to watch the adult program which was an amazing dude who played the guitar and could sing any song you screamed out. Totally worth and it was so much fun..Tuesday was St. Maarten. I had no interested in this island so Michael explored the island and Kelly, Mom and Dad went on a fishing excursion. I stayed on the boat and stayed "on call" in case Owen needed out of the nursery. Usually anyone under 3 has to go to the nursery but since Owen is potty trained, they let him stay in the kids' club. They didn't call me once.!! Yeah Owen. Also during the cruise, Michael and I played a lot of general trivia during the day and that was fun. there is plenty of stuff for adults to do on the Disney Cruise. Fun Fun!!!!! Dinner and show ended our day.

Wednesday was St. Thomas Day. We had to get up and be in the auditorium by 7:00 for an immigration check. We still had time for breakfast and to stare at the sky. This was a beautiful island. We did something different. Michael, me, mom, dad, kelly and her 3 kids all did an excursion together. We took a bus tour of the island really saw the island. BEAUTIFUL. We took some amazing pics on top of the mountain and enjoyed talking to each other during the ride. Even though, I booked the trip, I had no idea we were stopping at OceanWorld, a small aquarium of sorts. This was cool. We got to see sharks and touch stingrays and you could swim with sea lions if you wanted. We had 2 hours here and I think it was really worth it. The kids enjoyed it. We got back from the excursion and Michael and i walked around the shops before heading onto the boat for some chill time, which was quite limited. Dinner was good and we headed to a family show before going to bed.

Thursday was a day at sea so breakfast, pool, lunch, dinner, pool movies. Michael and I actually took Seth and Janie to the arcade and that was a hoot. Oh they were sooo funny. Meals were good today. Seth actually beat Janie at air hockey and then they loves it that Michael beat me badly (7-0).

Friday. Our last full day. This was Castaway Cay day, which is Disney's private island day. This was fun as Michael's picture will show you. Disney knows how to do an island. The Piratesof the Caribbean boat was there (The Flying Dutchman) and after spending some time on the family beach, Michael and I spent the rest of the day at the adult beach, where I had a Konch Cooler. Dude, those are soooo good. We got back early to the boat and spent the rest of the day at the adult pool on the boat.We had dinner, packed and went to Pub night where the staff put on a show for the adults. We watched some of POC on the big screen and went to bed. Got up early, got sad leaving my family and headed over to Orlando..Saturday we took long naps, had dinner with Michael's mom and went to bed. Sunday we got up, had lunch with some new adopting blogging friends and headed home!!The Disney Magic has a really nice movie theatre and we were able to watch the newest National Treasure movie and Superdog, I liked both!

BTW, I skipped my weigh in today but will be back next week!Michael has posted a few pictures already and has started his first post-cruise contest, so head over to Valtool's Box at http://www.valtool.blogspot.com/ to learn about and participate in his giveaways. Can I tell you nice it is to travel with a photographer? Michael took about 98% of the pictures and captured soooo many memories.

Thanks Michael!!

Sunday afternoon on the way home, we stopped at the Ale House in Orlando and met some blogger friends. Some of you may know some of these wonderful people. Dannye (AKA LaDyFrog) is the blog queen and does various swaps.

Don and Be also live in Orlando and have been a source of encouragement during our wait. They will never know how wonderful they are. They have a referral of their sweet baby girl and we can not wait to visit with them again. New friends Ginney and Jay were there with little Allie who has been home with her forever family for over a year and their son Chase.Allie was a funny, sweet little girl who made me laugh out loud.

New friends, when I walked into that restaraunt, I felt like I was with old friends. You welcomed us and kept us entertained. It felt like family. Thank you for taking the time to spend time with Michael and I. It was awesome. This adoption community rocks!

If you guys are ever in Atlanta, let us know. We would love for you guys to visit First Fridays with us!

Dannye, Ginny, me and Be

The Gang! Thanks again friends!

Monday Meditations

Good morning friends! Whats on your heart today? Have any praises to report? We met with some new blogging adopting friends yesterday and heard some awesome stories (this is another post) but one comment made me think. I can not imagine having a baby and having to give it up because you want better for your child. I can not imagine what these birth mothers thoughts are. Their hearts must be sooo heavy. We all have an adoption story but the birth moms have a story of their own. Today, as I pray for all of us during the wait, I pray for the birth moms of our children. Some are celebrating the 1 year birthday of their child, others are pregnant now. I am sure I am not making any sense at all right now. As much as my heart desires a baby, I can not grasp the idea of having to give a child up. Pray with me today, won't you?

Good times

Michael and I are in Orlando, waiting to have lunch with some China adopting blogging friends, should be fun!

We just finished our 4th Disney Magic cruise and now we wonder, will this be the last cruise for just Michael and Amy?
A full trip report is promised but I have to tell you, that this Disney Cruise thing makes me tear up each time I get on and off the boat. I am in fact a bit of a sap.

I think we both saw things differently this trip. We went with my family including Owen (almost 3), Seth (5) and Janie (7). Man, those kids rock! They can make me laugh and cry at the same time!!! Thanks Kelly!

We saw kids of all ages and all nationalities. We saw families of all types. I loved it. We saw different types of discipline. Boy, I am actually glad the wait was not as short as We thought, we have a lot to do and think about.

It's kind of fun to wait and listen to hear from God. I would not have thought He would choose a Disney Cruise to once again speak to my heart. I need to learn to be a bit more quiet as I do not want to miss Him talking to me.

I have a peace about our family, about LynnMarie, about the possibility of other children. I will enjoy this wait, I will not fear, I will not become frustrated, I will not get discouraged. I will do my best to keep busy as we wait. You know, when you are out in the ocean, at 6am and its just you and God watching the sun come up, its an incredible feeling to just stand there and talk to Him. It's just awesome. If you do not talk to God on a daily basis, go find a quiet place and just share your heart with Him. It's amazing how and when He will speak to you, but He will. I don't want anyone to miss those moments. They are moments that you sometimes can not put into words,they are that amazing.

So, get quiet, slow down and take the time to listen to our Heavenly Father.

The Christopher family is going to be OKAY!!!!!