This morning my our Lucy went to doggie heaven. We knew she was not quite herself today, but her sickness progressed very rapidly. Even a matter of hours would not have helped. I returned home tonight from raising money for the American Cancer Society to find Lucy in her kennel with very shallow breathing. From what we know, she was hemorrhaging internally and we lost her before we knew too much was wrong.
About a week ago I made a post on my personal blog that came across as "hard hearted" in the view of some of my readers. My thought was whatever grief we have to deal with is something God knows about because everything is supposed to be according to His plan. In the case last week, I commented that He will comfort those who need comforting according to His desire and plan, so praying for comfort for someone else was pointless.
Here I am, just 10 days later seeking comfort for myself and for my beloved wife for she loved Lucy as much as any human mother can love her baby.
My heart is heavy because I loved Lucy too, even if there were times I might not have shown it.
My heart is heavy because I had to deal with the physical elements of Lucy's death and the emotion of dealing with the emergency vets who seem extremely cold in dealing with people experiencing emotional trauma and perfectly content to charge these grieving parents exorbitant charges with payment on demand.
My heart is heavy for Amy, for the pain she is feeling and for the guilt and blame she is assigning herself.
My heart is heavy because it was just a week ago that we finally took Lucy for a walk in the National park near our house and we received SO many compliments on how cute and sweet she was.
In my heart I don't know that we will ever own a dog again. Lucy was my first, and I don't know how I feel about trying again. We need some time to heal and to grieve, and I am sorry for the words I wrote last week.
Your prayers for comfort for Amy and me are desired and appreciated.
25 comments:
We are so sorry for your loss, friends. Our animals are indeed family members.
We try not to think about when our times comes and we lose our Salty Dog...
I don't know that you were being hard hearted in the earlier post. I do know that God wants us to pray and did say to ask for what we needed and yes, wanted. That too, would seem to be a part of His plan.
peace
fm
I am crying as I read this. Oh, my heart goes out to you. I want to give you both a big hug. Jeff and I lost our fourteen year old Beau in January. The only way we got through was from encouraging words from friends/bloggers.
The thing that comforted me was that I knew that I would see Beau again when I enter heaven. I even found a book called "Do dogs go to heaven?" Even though we have never met, Lucy and Beau are playing together in the green pastures at the entrance of heaven waiting for us. I can just see them keeping on eye out Lynn Marie and Julia for us.
Clean!!! It really helps. Just don't stop moving.
We love you guys!!! You are in our prayers that you will find comfort.
Love, Pam and Jeff
I am so sorry for your loss. I so understand loving a pet. Before I was blessed with Sarah I raised 3 wonderful furry children. They were with me through so much. My first furry baby, Mogwai, waited to go to heaven until I found out I was pregnant with Sarah. It was on the very same day that I had to let go of my best friend and celebrate my pregnancy.
I've not yet been able to bring another dog into my life but I was able, 5 years after saying goodbye, to open my heart to a sweet cat (now I have 3!!).
A friend gave me this poem which I treasure. I hope it helps you both:
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.
Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....
Author unknown...
I am so sorry that you lost Lucy. I will be keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.
Oh dear. Oh my goodness. this is a horrible thing to go through. My heart goes out to you my friend.
Lea
xo
Michael,
Absolutely...Consider it done from here...and tell Amy I am thinking about her. I know how difficult it is to loose a pet. We just lost one last month and it is most painful..especially coming home and expecting he or she to be there.
Hugs to both of you at a very sad time.
Love and Hugs
Oh no. I am so sorry. We lost our Tess last summer and just can't bring ourselves to get another dog. No dog could ever replace her. I'm know the pain you are in and I'm very sorry.
Praying for you and Amy today as you miss your baby.
I am so sorry.
Sending prayers for both of you. I know so well the pain of losing a family pet. When I lost Lady Byng last year, I felt that the house would never been the same. And in a way it hasn't been.
I am so sorry.
My deepest condolences.
Hugs
I am so sorry for the loss of your adorable dog. Thinking of you.
Oh, friends - I am so sorry for your loss. There are no words of comfort, but I pray that you will find peace.
I am so sorry to hear this. I know how heartbreaking it is to lose a pet.
I am SO very sorry for your loss. We have said good-bye to two furbabies over the years and it's so painful. We love them like children and it's so hard to let go.
My thoughts are with you and I hope that Lucy is at peace now...she surely was a beautiful girl.
Donna :)
I am sooo sorry...
My thought and prayers are with you..
Big Blogger Hugs...
I've grieved the loss of pets, too & I'm sorry for you. It's so painful.
Our terrific cat, Jack died unexpectedly a few months before Chloe joined our family - I'm still sorry that she didn't get to know him.
Hugs to you,
Janelle
We are so sorry for your loss. We lost our beloved Athena to cancer last September. Lucy and Athena are playing together across the "Rainbow Bridge" now.
Take care,
Michaela
LID: 05/24/06
I'm so sorry for your loss. They are just like our children. My heart goes out to you both.
Think of all the wonderful memories you had with Lucy... just before moving to the US I had to send my baby 'Garfield' to the cat heaven... it killed me more... but he was sick and he had very bad arthritis in his legs... he was 18 - I still miss him dearly but I know he is in my heart always... hugs to you both (oh and off the topic... I am loving my new camera, just figuring it out)... take care
So sorry for your loss. If you can, check out a book from your local library, it's called "Dog Heaven" by Cynthia Rylant, and it will make you smile to think of Lucy there
I know you'll miss her.
Oh, I'm so sorry. I haven't checked in on your blog in a while and I am very sorry to hear of your loss of Lucy.
During our marriage, we've lost two dogs (cancer) and one cat (kidney failure). Those were the three worst days of my life so far. It is incredibly painful watching them go, but I'm so grateful for all the good times we shared and the joy and love they brought to us.
I still mourn my first dog who has now been gone for over 7 years - but my heart does let me love Maddie with the same intensity. Eventually I know there will come a day too horrible to think about, but for now I am sooo lucky to get to be her person.
Take care ... and I hope that, when the time is right, you will again have a dog in your family.
Jennifer
I have never visited your blog before . I just happened to visit and read your post on your doggie "Lucy". I am so sorry that she left this world and your arms. I can understand, because we had to put our little pomeranian, "Sugar" down a few years ago. To even type those words, to this day is sad and difficult. I loved her as much as a person could love a human baby. She was my child. I won't go into detail, but the circumstances were as difficult as yours in dealing with cold and uncaring people. Our comfort is in knowing that she was an extension of God's love to us and brought us 13 very wonderful years with her. I have to believe , that as much as she was loved, that somehow, in some way, we will see her again. May God strengthen and comfort you both!
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