Tuesday, November 11, 2008

wishes and dreams

How do you miss someone you have never met? I never understood this. Sometimes at the oddest moments, I long to hold LynnMarie. Michael found some wonderful gotcha day videos the other night and it had me pondering. I love that word, ponder.


Want to know what I was thinking the other day? The fact that there are babies in orphanages in China. Orphanages. Babies sleeping in cribs. Babies who do not get held enough. Babies that lie their crying. Babies who have not experienced the kind of love I long to give. I don't have a picture of LynnMarie yet. There is a great chance that she is born and I pray for her specifically every day.


The day that Michael and I meet her will be like no other. It will not be perfect. She will probably squirm and cry and we will totally be stressed out but there is nothing more that I wait for.


This holiday season will be different. I hope this is our last one without LynnMarie.


It will be filled with hope. It will be full of wishes and dreams and anticipation.


April 2007 we were logged in and before we were logged in I anticipated getting a match December 2008. Boy, was my head in the clouds?


This Christmas will be full of prayers. I pray that she touches the heart of a special someone. Someone that will give her an extra hug......

18 comments:

Lynn said...

Thanks for your post on my blog!

Daniel is very exciting, half on living faithfully in an un-Godly world, the second half is on end of times. Very interesting, Love Beth Moore!

Carol said...

I felt very much the same way before we got Emily...and our agency was saying 10 months to referral when we started...we went to the sn list after waiting 1 1/2 years, I was so afraid my husband would drop out, because he kept saying he couldn't put his life/heart on hold anymore.......and our DTC group is still waiting.....hugs....

Andrea said...

I hope this is the last season without her too, for all of us waiting. Last year was hard for me too. This year, our 3rd since starting this process, is even harder. I pray for stregnth for all of us to get through!

Tymm said...

I think it's easier than we know to love and miss someone we have never met - We miss Brighton every single day.

Embrace that feeling though and hold it close - I think Laura said it best shortly after Brighton passed away - she said "Loving like that - without ever having held or touched him - I think that's how we're supposed to love Jesus..."

I think she's right.

A Mom- In-W8ing said...

I too know the pain of missing someone you have never met. Sometimes it hurts so badly and there is no cure that is in our control…

Making it through another holiday without our children is going to be difficult but we will all make it if we just stay strong and support each other.

((Hugs)) friend…we ARE getting closer!

Smiles! :o)
Nikki

Lennah and Delylah's mom said...

I am hoping that this is the last season without LynnMarie. Lennah and Delylah need a new playmate. Next Christmas will be wonderful for you guys being a family of three.
Cathy

The Evans Family said...

I so remember the wait for Grace. We wondered and wondered how old she was, what she was doing and what she looked like. Every time I saw a little chinese girl I wondered if MY Grace would like that!

You know what? My visions were so far off! I always envisioned a baby; Grace was a toddler when we received her referral! It was so special because she was NOTHING like I had pictured, she was so much better!

The strangest thing was, a few weeks, maybe 2 months, before receiving our referral I had a dream about getting Grace. She was walking and I remember saying to David (in my dream) "we aren't going to need that crib". And sure enough we didn't!

I sure hope that next Holiday season you have your angel and no longer have to wonder what she looks like!

Kay Bratt said...

*wishing you peace during this season as you wait for your child...*

Kay

Brian & Christy said...

I love how you put exactly what you feel down, and it touches me in the same way. Our LID is 4-24-07 and I know what you are talking about. Lets keep on praying and soon we'll have our daughters.
Christy

Don and Be said...

It's easy for me to say, now that JMei is home, but in retrospect, I see the wait as a refining process that needed to happen in me as I anticipated fatherhood. The opening line of "The Purpose Driven Life" by Rick Warren is "It's not about you." Believe me ..... no truer words written. This is a 24/7 every second kind of job and God prepared me for the worst case scenario and blessed me with one that didn't even come close. The wait was difficult but if was any shorter, the child we now know as Joanna Mei would have been a different child.
The passing of 2 Christmases during that time was indeed difficult. We didn't even put up lights (tree - yes, lights - no) and stockpiled Christmas lights at the day after Christmas sales. This year, we're liable to have a brown out at our end of town with all the lights.
Hang in there guys. We love ya.
Don, Be & JMei

redmaryjanes said...

I know EXACTLY how you feel my friend. Sending love your way.

FHL said...

I keep reminding myself (um, sometimes hourly) that God's timing is perfect. Hang in there!!

Hugs,
M~

Kiy said...

Oh gal, I remember feeling *exactly* what you are talking about. Exactly. We were told six months. Six. 22 months later we say Miss Emi's face. I lost hope so many times, in fact, even gave up once. Was ready to call our agency and say, pull us out of line. Thank goodness we didn't. You are SO much more positive than I was. I am always so impressed and inspired by you. It will happen, I know it will. But I also know how hard that wait is.

I so hope that this really is your last holiday without your sweet baby. I continue to keep you in my thoughts,

Kiy

Mark and Terri said...

I know how you feel. I have been thinking a lot about our daughter lately. I can't stop thinking about her and wishing for her.

Shelly and Family said...

Hang in there guys...your day is coming...

Meghan said...

I agree with FHL. God's timing IS perfect and you will be reminded of this the moment you are staring into little LynnMarie's eyes! The last few months waiting for Lia's referral were so hard, but she is meant to be in our family.

Andie said...

While I was battling infertility, a song spoke to me...and I believe it would speak to you as well. It is called "I thought you'd be here" and it is by Wes King. He and his wife also battled infertility and waited many years for their children. The song is about exactly what you described. How can you miss someone you've never met? You can...simple as that.
Blessings-Andie

Jen said...

Thanks for leaving all the sweet comments on my blog. I read yours regularly, though I don't post often. Your blog is a blessing to many!

I pray for our daughter often, too, and especially that there is someone there to love her, hold her, play with her, etc. Boy this has been a long journey.

God bless you!