We did have a crying moment last night. Sweet girl kept trying to jump on the computer and wanted to hit and punch it. I told her No. I must not say it right because everytime I say NO, she belly laughs. Any suggestions for this age . SO, I took her hands and just held them and counted to 5 and then the tears began..Then my tears begin. For many reasons.
You see, since we discovered our daughter way back in Nov, my mind has wandered over her abandonment, her special needs and her past. I have avoided thinking about it deeply for some reason. I want to remember her past but focus on the present and her future.
For some reason,it all came to the front of my mind last night as I stared at her and then started the questions.
What if LynnMarie has not been found? What if her Foster Home had not gotten her to treatment? What if we had decided not to accept her referal? She is the most precious gift from God and my mind wandered to the question, what if we had not experienced her? Where would she be?
I really think it hit hard last night but I cried. Real tears along with my daughter whom I have waited for so long. How I want her to feel loved for the rest of her life.
What was it like not to have as many hugs and cuddles as she gets now? Then I think about the babies all over the world who are crying out and their needs are not being met. This physically hurt my heart and my mind and immediately took me to a nice long talk with my Heavenly Father.
It was just an emotional night when I realized that the little girl in front of me at one time was all alone..Although, I do not want to focus on this, I think mentally I needed to go there.
2 things about parenting and adoption
1) You gain a lot more respect for your own parents
2)God's love is soooo obvious