Thursday, July 19, 2007

finally my thoughts on infertility and adoption

Just a normal post.. We will soon hit the 3 month mark and its been pretty good, mostly because of you guys. Thanks for all of your nice posts and encouragement on this blog.

I love to read blogs. I read happy ones, sad ones and those who are discouraged. I read the ones that say "maybe God doesn't want me to be a mom" and it makes my heart hurt because I have been there. I have not shared our infertility issues on this blog because well,there aren't that many. We have not spent a lot of money or time on this issue. One day maybe, but not now. To me, deciding to adopt and paperchasing was my way of starting our family.

I have been there friends. I have felt that jealousy. Lets be honest here. My younger sister got married before, and had her first baby before me. Boy, was I jealous. It was hard. But then Janie was born and that jealousy feeling died. Janie was just my niece but I remember crying the day Kelly left her with a babysitter when she went to work. I told you I was psycho. and then she had Seth. No more jealousy because I wanted Janie to have a playmate and what a playmate he is. Then, there is Owen, the baby. I remember Kelly showing me the picture of Seth with a big brother picture on it.. I dont think I have ever been more excited about a baby than when Owen arrive. Have I told you how beautiful they are?

So, then I get married and go to work at a Childrens Hospital. Not a good place to work when you want babies..Its not the patients that get to you, its the staff. One by one a staff member gets pregnant. Sometimes you are thrilled and other times you just don't want to hear about it. Mind you, I do celebrate every birth because every baby is just so fun, but dang, it gets hard to hear about it.

I am at the point in my life where I am just excited about people having babies. Perhaps its because I am more mature, perhaps its because, I now know I have no control over when God places a baby in our heart or arms. I do know that the feelings I had overwhelmed me. I wasted a lot of time being jealous. What a horrible, terrible, yucky feeling that is.
Now, as much as I want to be happy for every pregnant person, there is always that one that just bothers me. I love her to death outside of work, but when she got pregnant, I just wanted to ignore her. So what do you do when that happens? You throw her a shower! Haha! And we had a great time.

So, for those who are discouraged regardless if its just the long wait, or if its infertility, or if its jealousy, I have been there. You can not stay in that place. Find some encouraging friends. Pray. Stay positive. Its hard, but once you let go of those feelings (and yes they do come back and visit) you enjoy this beautiful gift. I am so glad I have you guys on this long wait. I am blessed my husband is okay with the wait.

I remember one night we were talking after we had been married a bit and realized that we may have a problem getting pregnant. He promised me a baby. He didn't care if it was biological or adopted and that was a most wonderful moment!!!

God is so amazing. 6 years ago I thought people who adopted were cool and full of so much love and look where we are!!

I dream of the day we see LynnMarie!!!

and on another note to anyone who is not adopting but has friends who are adopting, please don't ask your friends if they plan on breastfeeding their 9 month old daughter from China! I don't care what the books say. That questions is just weird!!!

25 comments:

OziMum said...

Hi Amy! I've finally found my way to your place! Thanks for all your nice comments on my blog!

Thanks for being so honest about your infertility. I'll be honest and say, I haven't had to go through such horrible emotions. As a matter of fact, I had the opposite scenario happen to me. I got pregnant (it took a long time, but it did happen) and found out, about 2 weeks after my closest friend at work, had her 2nd miscarriage. It was absolutely awful. I couldn't celebrate with my friends, because I knew it would crush my friend. I can only imagine how hard it is for you, and alot of other people out there, but all I can say is...
dreams can come true.

LaLa said...

Great post. We had issues too but didn't do much about it..two months of clomid to be exact. We both knew we would adopt one day and it just happened sooner than we thought. Of course being single until 36 I had a lot of jealous moments...wedding and baby showers! Like you, I now am so happy when any child comes into a family no matter the way it happens. My least fav thing people say is "Now you'll get pregnant" I always look horrified and say "Oh gosh, I hope not!!" Shuts them up every time LOL

Lisa and Doug said...

Great post. You know I have been there too! The infertility roller coaster was my life for a long time.

When I saw Briana's picture for the first time, it was love at first site. I knew it was meant to be!

CJ and Donna said...

Breast feeding- what?!?! I thought that was one of the main reason to adopt was so you didn't HAVE TO breastfeed ;)

Lynn said...

HA! Love the breastfeeding comment!

I have always thought it would be wierd to breastfeed a new baby with an 11 year old son around...

Andrea said...

I enjoyed reading your post, I could have written the same thing. We are in similar situations. I teach school! I had to laugh at the ending of your post about breastfeeding, I actually had someone ask me about that!! Thanks for sharing your heart and soul with all of us!!

wendy said...

what a wonderful post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts about this. I know it's hard to do because it's such a sensitive subject. I BTDT with the jealousy thing and I am working my way through it. It's comforting to know other people who also struggle right along side of you.

Shelly & Family! said...

Hi Amy. I can't begin to tell you all that I felt while waiting for Francesca...but that seems like a life time ago (even though it has only been less than two years since she was placed into my arms). This 2nd time around is much easier...most days!

We too went through some issues on having a bio child, but one day it just hit us that our daughter would be half way around the world.

I have to tell you...I love the ladybug tea set! (I know I told you this before & already thanked you, but I want to say it again...) Francesca is dying to play with it, but I am saving it for daugther #2 (still haven't decided on the change of the name yet). We have so much stuff left over from Francesca...that I want daughter #2 to have something that was hand picked out from love & friendship and it is just for her. Again, thank you so very much!

Janet said...

You are amazing, Amy!!!! I loved that post. Your spirit and your faith give me such encouragement. I love how you say that we can't stay there. At that jealous place. At that sad place. It's too hard to feel sad all the time. I agree that we have to stay positive. Great post!

redmaryjanes said...

Yeah, I agree, that is a weird question. And nope, I'm not doing it : )

eggrolls and chopsticks said...

What a really wonderful heartfelt post and oh so true to most of us I am sure.
That breastfeeding question just kills me and makes my skin crawl. THe first time I ever heard of it I was working at a Doc's office and after the patreint left I went to talk to the DR cos it was just to freadky. She laughed her self silly.

Lisa and Shane said...

Great post Amy, and after 5 unsuccessful IVF cycles I can too relate to what you are saying. It does get easier, my niece and nephew have been my saving grace sometimes, and while the pain and hurt and jealousy are not constantly there - I still do have my moments. But I also know my daughter is waiting for us in China, just as much as we are waiting for her. Wouldn't have it any other way. Lisa

kelly said...

Dear sister.. wow you are one open gal now adays, and it is very refreshing. You have helped me so much in the last few months that I can't tell you thanks enough. Janie, seth, and owen can't wait to meet LynnMarie whenever God chooses, and have a precious cousin.. love you :)

Mommy Spice said...

Been there, and so glad to be here now. I so wish we would have started the adoption process sooner, only I woudn't have my beautiful Spicy Girl. I never thought I would thank God for my infertility....but now I do!

Love the last comment. I think I was asked about breastfeeding....Ick!!

Laura Hoffman said...

Amy,

Your post just brought tears to my eyes...because you KNOW Tymm and I have been in all the places you just decribed. But God does heal and it does get easier, and yes, those feelings DO revisit, but God is faithful and mighty.

Thank you for your honesty and openess. I know how hard it is...

Oh, and the breastfeeding comment just cracked me up!

Love you, girl.

Laura

eggrolls and chopsticks said...

I added you to my list of blogs that I follow, I hope that is OK. If you want me to remove you please let me know.

Roy and Lori said...

Congrats on your 3
month LID anniversary!

chloesmama said...

Wow--great post! I love your attitude, and I've been there with a lot of those feelings, too! What's so amazing is when I truly let go of all of the negativity, and started just loving myself and my life just the way it was, that DH brought up the idea of adopting Chloe! I'll have to tell my story sometime on my blog, too!

tegdirb92 said...

It will definitely come for you guys. Adopting from China is not an easy road by any stretch. During our paperchase, the wait for our daughter was 6 months--then during the wait, it got longer and longer and we ending up waiting four more months than we expected. The wait was extended for more than we anticipated and it was excruciating!! It did happen, and when you get that call that you have a daughter IT IS THE BEST FEELING IN THE WORLD!! We want to do it again so badly.

When we look back on that experience, we see the wait as just part of the process. The wait is the hardest thing right now, but after awhile I think you gain something from it.

I can't wait to "meet" your daughter!!

Bridget

Eric & Heather said...

I love this post!

Yep~the breastfeeding question is definitely WIERD ^_^

Mark and Rebecca said...

Nice post. I am glad that you are in a good place with the how your family will be built. Although my situation is different, I can assure you that I fully understand the deep desire for children and the struggle of seeing others be blessed with them. It is a battle to get to a place where you can celebrate with them.

happy mom said...

I have been there too. I agree the bad dark times as I put them are just time wasted. good luck in all your waiting. and congrats on your wait for lynn Marie

Shannon said...

Oh! You must be thrilled!

secret agent said...

Happy 3!!!!

I have to ask you a question.

are you gonna breastfeed your 9 month old from China?

Don and Be said...

One of the couples at our monthly Waiting Parents meeting brought her new baby to the meeting last week - we talked about her and she said "Why don't you hold her?" - I'm like "Really?" - and she just handed over this precious life. My eyes glazed over as I envisioned Joanna Mei in my arms. I'm also getting to know a lot of the kids at our church - I get them all worked up and then hand them back to their parents.
So I believe God is preparing me in a very up close and personal fashion for our future as first time parents. You are at such an advantage, Amy, in your work and I wish I had your opportunities. Keep enjoying the babies - and I'll spare you any breastfeeding comments.
Jest Tryin' To Be A Blessin',
Don