Thursday, June 19, 2008

another one of those questions

Now we start the house cleaning for a few reasons

1) Our house should always be clean
2)The SW will be visiting
3) I can not wait to bring LynnMarie home

One of the questions I have gotten in the past that has started to bother me is the, aren't you going to miss being pregnant? Actually this bothers me a lot because this is none of any one's business. Hope I am not being rude, but I think the question is rude. The fact is that for some women, you become obsessed with being pregnant. Once you get married, the biggest question from people is "So when are you going to have kids?" Ya gotta be careful not to let that identify who you are. I am so grateful for the spirit of adoption and that my heart for adoption has changed in the past 7 years! I'm so thankful for being a part of this amazing journey which has literally changed parts of my life and brought some amazing people in my life, and made working even better.

First of all, we have not ruled that out at all. In fact Michael and I have never done the infertility stuff. That is the end of that question.

Will I miss it? I previously may have said yes but not any more. When you find the ultimate peace with adoption, its not even in your mind (until someone brings it up, ha!). This is the coolest feeling. Michael and I are starting a family. Its just a different way but the love we already have for LynnMarie is the same you have for your child.

Not many questions have bothered me and this was a question that was asked months ago and I figured if I wrote the post out, I may feel better.

This is better written than done. If you are in the same boat, do not let anyone take your joy. It may not be their intent but do not let those questions get you in a bad mood. I have done that in the past and wasted so much energy letting those questions bother me.

Okay, I will get off of my soap box now.


Beverly said...

I assure you I don't and didn't miss being pregnant. I learned that in 11th grade human phys that I didn't and wouldn't miss it at all! Looks painful and although miraculous, pretty messy!

randy & cara said...

Sadly there will be questions asked that are thoughtless throughout the entire adoption process(and even after you have your precious treasure).

Best advice I read on this was to think through the situations ahead of time s you have an answer handy that you can walk away from that conversation feeling good about your response, that takes the edge off the stupid questions and comments people throw your way.

Keep smiling!

Janet said...

I used to be one of "those people" who asked that kind of question. It was purely out of love for them, and I certainly never meant any hurt by it, but now I know how it made them feel. Now I would NEVER mention it to anyone. You're right, it's YOUR business, and yours alone.

Briana's Mom said...

I totally get where you are coming from regarding the question. I would never ask anyone that question.

For me, when I was engulfed in the infertility process, I may have said yes to this question. But when I opened my heart to adoption and with Briana entering my life - I won't miss it one bit! Not one bit!

Kelley said...

I wonder if all of the people who've had biological children feel like THEY missed out on the opportunity to have a wonderful international trip...our experience was just fantastic, and every bit as special if not more so. :)

People say the silliest things sometimes. They should think more...

sooze66 said...

I often wish I would have started a journal from the very beginning of our adoption journey with all the random comments and questions, just to remember them down the road. I like to think it's the non-adopting people who miss out on the complete leap of faith this journey has required. I want to ask them, won't you miss placing your complete and total faith in God and hanging on for a LONG journey to see what He has waiting at the end? No ultra-sounds, no kicking, no growing belly (well..), just faith that there's a miracle in store for you in the end. Just my two cents.

Don and Be said...

Adoption rocks! So do you and Mike! How about THIS for a response ...... "Don't you miss being appropriate?"

FHL said...

I truly believe our (D and my) desire to adopt was placed in our hearts by God. That our daughter is out there and through our passion for adoption we are being led to her. I think those that have never shared that emotion just have a very difficult time understanding those of us who do.

Half Gaelic, Half Garlic! said...

It amazes me at the things people actually say!

I have one biological child and one adopted child and although both processes were different I don't feel I missed out on anything.

The way I look at it each child has been brought to us in their own special way.


Jen & Bill said...

I have both a bio and adopted child. While the processes are different the outcome is a the same, a child to love.

I do have to say that it did take me a bit to bond with Ricky. It was a little different for me than bio. I just want to say that it is okay that it is different. I had a lot of guilt over this at first. Now that we have had Ricky home for almost 5months - I love him to death. But it wasn't that way at first.

sarah said...

Everyone's story is unique and precious.

I was one that got stuck in infertility treatments (such a miserable world to be in!). Although my first thoughts (that I remember) of ever wanting to being a mother were to children that I adopted (I have a cousin I love very much who was adopted at birth). After almost 10 years, I did get pregnant. . . but he was born still. I have NO desire to ever be pregnant again.

I'm impressed by your story. . . and those questions are rude (IMO) too.

On the tired topic of bonding, I think of something one of my friends who has 3 bio children said. She told me (something she does not tell most people, but I found it to be a bit enlightening) that it took her quite awhile to 'bond' with her second bio son. She had a lot of guilt about it. The point is, 'bonding' does not occur in a magical moment - its about building a relationship. That's what family is all about afterall, isn't it? Another friend (refreshingly) told me, "I don't even remember much about the birth of my daughter; it's the relationship we have right now that's most important".

redmaryjanes said...

Don't pay it any mind honey. You are on your journey and making an incredible life changing journey out of it.

Tracy said...

I totally agree. Th eminute we made the decision to adopt from China (I remember the day - August 24, 2004) - I was never, ever sad about not being able to get pregnant again. Ever. It was such a freeing feeling.

I think I am the lucky one to have taken an amazing trip to an incredible country to get my daughter who was meant for me. I would never trade that for getting pregnant.