Friday, July 04, 2008

Unfortunate News

Today we discovered that my father and his wife will have no part in LynnMarie's life. It is unfortunate, but it is his choice.

We went out for a cookout at his place, and out of the blue, as we were leaving he said he needed me to do something. What he needs is for me to rename my daughter because he can not have his mother's name associated with my mother's name.

You need to know that my father left my mother for another woman, and eventually married that woman. I have struggled over the years as they have used me as a ping pong ball of sorts. I got past the fact he abandoned his family, that my mother put me through college all on her own and that my father only paid child support when threatened with jail time if he did not pay for my younger brother.

Only in recent years has he started bad-mouthing my mother, making her out to be a selfish, uncaring person.

When we announced our decision to adopt, he told us he would recognize any child of ours as his grandchild, no matter how or where she/he is born. Last month Amy posted here about the anniversary of our name choice. Many of you have been praying for LynnMarie and we have even received some quilt squares with her name embroidered on them. Her name is not going to change, and we will not allow my father access to her, not that he would want to as her name is so evil in his eyes.

25 comments:

Kelley said...

I'm so sorry...but it will truly be his loss. Without going into a lot of detail, let me say that I understand your situation more than I would like to...I'll be praying for you all!

sara said...

wow - sending prayers your way for what seems like harbored bitterness, loss & anger. Hugs to you guys....

Jen & Bill said...

wow....
I really think that this pretty selfish on his part.
By the sounds of it, this will be his loss not yours.

Cristy said...

I am so sorry. We will pray that his heart will change. I know these family issues are really, really painful.

I will be praying for you all...

Special K said...

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. Wishing you all peace.

Pam and Jeff said...

The name reminds him of what he did. At this point in his life, he needs some peace. Only God can do that. I will pray that God will work in his life.

Michelle said...

Oh my Gosh. That is terrible! I don't know if it is any consolation, but my in-laws pretty much told us they won't be a part of Sophie's life because not only is she not biologically related to them, but she is of a different race. All I can say is that it's their loss. I am hoping they change their minds when she comes home but I can't make them love her. It saddens me the conversations we will have to have as Sophie gets older, but it is out of my hands. Perhaps he will change his mind when he sees her sweet face. I hope that's the case. For both of us.

Janet said...

Oh, how awful! I am so sorry. SO very sorry. I feel like crying for you. I will pray for you, my friend. HOw awful.

Shelly & Family! said...

Aw Amy...how sad is that...over a name thing! My heart is going out to you at during this time. I just "hope" that when you do have a face/photo to match your chosen name...he'll will see 'the light'...(because he will be the one missing out)

Tammy said...

I will be praying that God will change his heart and mend that relationship even before your precious daughter arrives. That way it will just be a story you share with her when she is older of God's grace in your lives and His ability to work in the hearts of people.

Doreen said...

UGH!!! Aren't families a joy! Sorry for such a sad situation. Just focus on the happy future.

Doreen in Montreal Mom to Faith-Jiangxi & Mia-Sichuan

The Evans Family said...

So sorry to hear of this situation. For LynnMarie's sake I hope you keep the door open. Children have a way of thawing the coldest heart and reminding us what life is really all about.

Elise said...

I am sorry to hear that....he is the one who will miss out on a beautiful thing.

Linda said...

So sorry to read your story. He is reacting out of his own guilt. Please don't let anyone even family take away any of your happiness and joy. Your Lynnmarie will be a wonderful child and does not deserve to have unhappiness and unhealthy people in her life and neither do you. The feelings he has are his own distorted ones and he does not have the right to put them on you. I'll be praying for him, but mostly for you and your happiness.. Linda

Julie said...

You are right to not back down on this one. He clearly has old feelings of resentment, anger (and maybe guilt/sadness?) unresolved from his previous marriage. But you know what? That is HIS-story. He needs to seek peace from that old relationship and move on. A very good therapist once told me "you cannot control what your parents do or not do...only your reaction to them" and it's true! Don't let this take away from the beautiful name you have chosen for your baby girl! :)

redmaryjanes said...

Oh my word. I am so sorry and so happy that you are not changing the name.

Carol said...

ugh...some people are so STUPID...what a loss for him........

I have a family member that acts much the same.....

Their loss!

Kim & Jeff said...

I am so sorry that the two of you are going thru this... It will be his loss.... Hugs to the two of you :)

Alyson & Ford said...

This is terrible. So sorry! You must do what you know is right.
Your daughter will know lots of love.

Alyson LID 01/27/06

She She said...

Heartbreaking. I'm sorry he's making this all about him.

MoziEsmé said...

Oh - that is tragic! Praying for you and LynnMarie too . . .

Anonymous said...

sorry--I thought he was a bigger and kinder man than that!:( Lynnmarie's grandmonster

Roxanne Kristina said...

His loss.

Gift of grieving = being able to move on.

Heavenly father is what matters.

HE IS PROUD OF YOU!!!

He adopted us. He is grateful you are adopting.

Bless your sweet heart!

Roxanne
www.sharingnotes.blogspot.com

Roxanne Kristina said...

PS: Adding your blog to my link list.

John & Michelle said...

Also without going into to much detail...I have had a similar situation with my dad. He won't be involved either. Love and prayers for both of us!
Michelle
ILlinois